i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
