There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
