You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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