Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
