She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
