woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize