Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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