Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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