I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
