I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
