I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
