Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
