There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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