Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize