at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
