He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
