shes about as inviting as chlamydia
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
