the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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