Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
