that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
