That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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