the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
