Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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