hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
