dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
