Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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