You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
