The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I puked a lego.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
