I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
