Got a toothbrush?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
