the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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