she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
