She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
