Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
