Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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