dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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