he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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