they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
