The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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