I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
