this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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