is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
