I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
