I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize