I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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