he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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