i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
