so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
