I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
