But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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