Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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