Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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