I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
