I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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