mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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