omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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