You're so nebulous sometimes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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