Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
