I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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