I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
