No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
