oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
