I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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