I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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