Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
