I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
