She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
