It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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