at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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