p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching