At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU