"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.