Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
