Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
